so please stop explaining i know... don't tell me cuz it hurts

I want to be an Hispanic Penguine.

Wed, 20 Dec 2006 19:22:23 GMT

So its been another long time since i posted.
well alot has changed.
i am in nursing school and actually i start my Clinicals
in January, well with that month
comes the 3rd month of my and Boyfriend Ricky
he truely is the best.
Christmas is around the corner and i have cards to give out...
sorry if they are alittle late.
i am almost done with Christmas shopping, i just have to get
Rickys gift and my sister nicole and tony's then i am done
Chris is back but not in town yet!... i miss him alot
i hope he plans to spend some time with me
and pammie.
Haven't seen much of anyone but Ricky...
Kaylin i don't know if she is alive... and Ashley well she is alive
just not seeable :( stupid business
OHHOoooooo i found my new movie that i love
its called happy feet....
its my fav.

well i get baby sometime today... i am bummed that they
didn't invite me to go shopping with them... i really kinda wanted to go
:( my aunt Diane comes in tonight for the Holiday and i won't be home
on christmas going to Ambers.
can't wait till i get my MP3 player!
i am excited well all is well here and hopeing to here from you
all sooner or later, maybe even on here love you all.

<333 ashley.

PS. Oh, maybe if i trick myself i can do it... "oh look at that look at what ahhhh :falls from cliff:"

The stangest place i think i've ever been, and all this time i thought that we were friends...

Thu, 02 Nov 2006 23:40:18 GMT

i just have been busy.
pam no longer lives with me...
but that been for a while now.
and my sister moved out... i do miss her alot,
i knew i would but i didn't know this much.
i feel diconnected from her

i have a boyfriend...
ok a GREAT Boyfriend sunday will be
1 month... amazing

school is going good,
i am bored of it but we are seniors so its
almost over...except all the nursing i have
to do after that lol
i plan on taking a year off, and then go to communitity college then
transfering into a 4 year university.

i need my Kanylin

i am in fifth period right now
obviously doing not what i am suppose to be doing
hehehe... i get to spen the night with my
sissy tonight
we's going to a movie long needed...
i feel alone for some strange reason at home. :(

well i am going to go leave me love
i love you all.

<3 ashley

PS: its A BIG GIRL WORLD NOW... FULL OF BIGGER THINGS AND EVERDAY I WISH I WERE SMALL...

end.

Its Weird being the Seniors

Thu, 07 Sep 2006 04:34:58 GMT

I look around
and i see familira faces
but none of the old
its weird seeing all lower classman
and knowing we are it, the high ones...
the Top Dogs.... its really weird feeling...

Homecoming is coming soon
and i really would like a date
that wants to go with me for me.
i don't want another Luke episode.

Newmarket is Great
i can't wait to be a nurse.
Anthony i love that boy...
and Chrissypoo and Carly Warly...
the bus is going to be very very different without you...
Jase?... Can't forget Nobbs (Alex) either...

My classes are good
i have film as Lit with
Albert... i am gonna love that class
and then i have health Club fourth
and fith period to make up
my American Lit.
hope all goes as planned, i am not falling through
the cracks this year. NOPE.

Pammie is coming to live with me
Saturday.
can't wait to join Skills USA again
and still need to get the rest of my supplies for
school, which should be done...friday i believe
i have to work this weekend i don't
have weekends anymore... i work them
and i hate it.

ummm i think i am off
so anyone want to leave me
love they can.

<333 Ashley.

My new Found loves!!!! the band... Cold September

Tue, 29 Aug 2006 09:08:12 GMT

"Tears Smear the Title"

you hold my hand, I'll hold your heart
you shut my mouth, I'll close your eyes
so you don't see the truth inside
and say what you want to say
and do what you want to do
but don't you dare act like I wasn't ever there for you
and truth be told
and lies unfold
the sparkle of your smile will lead me away from here
lead me away from here

don't show up at my doorstep
I love to see you falling apart
falling apart
and tonight won't be the last time
you think of me

for all the things you held inside
for all your lies and alibis
they sure as hell won't help you out this time
and my dues are paid to you
it's time to turn and walk away
so go along your way
find somebody new
whose life you can ruin
just like you ruined mine

"Right Through the Heart Radio"

slip into your clothes
as I turn on the radio
and blast it like nobody's business
sit on down girl, try to listen
dance with me to the beat
the one my heart seems to never share
leave me to die here
and it's all in good fun girl
we had our good run
to die here
now scream this with me
I know you know it all

you hear me screaming out loud
and I'm trying to find my own way back to your thoughts

your reflection calls
it owns me like the day we all passed out
here on my couch
so I could vouch for more than caring
and feeling like I can't breathe
with you on my chest and the world in my arms
and it's all in good fun girl
we had our good run
to die here
now scream this with me
I know you know it all

oh oh, you've done the damage baby
oh oh, right through the heart
oh oh, you've done the damage baby
oh oh, so do it again

They have a song called "Your so Yelm"... i don't have the lyrics yet but i love these boys.

Must be nice living a normal life.

Tue, 15 Aug 2006 07:51:35 GMT

Well most of you have heard
about the Accident,
pretty much made me realize in
times of need the people there
are the only ones who can really care.

i pretty much feel alone since that day, and i need to stop feeling that way. its bad enough my own mother doesn't want anything to do with the fact i was in there, she could care less.

pamie you are always on my mind. i love you very much.
Chris i am going to miss you, more then you will know.

i need time to myself i am thinking about leaving for a while. sort my life out.

Summer hasn't exactly been a breeze... it seems to get better for everyone but me... and not with the way i feel... i need to be a better person. and i don't know how, thats what scares me.

i pretty much feel alone, the one thing that didn't ever leave me or change on me is dead, (sammi) and now since then everything is empty.

And i know alot of complaining doesn't get you anywhere....

but it does let me vent which i haven't done
to anyone in a while so let me be.

i have a docotors appt. on wenesday, and thats was practically forceing my mom to take me. she doesn't even want to. its bad enough i can't go to work, but no thats not enough for my mother who only worries about herself and my father.

Justin, he has pretty much betrayed me i am really hurt by him... but he will never know, he doesn't even care to listen to me half the time, and this time i think i pissed him off... but i don't care... he didn't even bother to worry about me on saturday, he kept complaining about a whore who practically killed him. instead of worrying about the

one girl who cares most about him.

~end~

You say.

Thu, 10 Aug 2006 06:08:55 GMT

you say that change is for the better
but now i am seeing who you are
who you have become
its not you kayling
i know you, i don't like the habits you have
gained.
we need to talk, and yes i have a very good reason
to be writting this. i am not mad at you
i am dissapointed only becuase you can be such
a hypocrite at times. kaylin i love you.
we need to talk i need my kaylin back
if you are wondering what this about, check out your brothers myspace and see why i am so upset.
its not the fact you did it. its the fact everything
you stood for was against it. please talk to me
if something is wrong i am still here you know.
just to let you know incase you forgot.

<3 ashley.

Leave me alone.

Mon, 31 Jul 2006 04:59:19 GMT

So
i am pretty
much gone.
to everyone.

Lost

Tue, 18 Jul 2006 08:51:42 GMT

Tonight when i was in a good mood everything seemed to be going good other then i was worn out from my day at school, got a call from conner and he said he wanted to come over so i got up and cleaned a little only to find my parents out by the pool thats when it hit me.
the moment my mother told me to come here
i asked her earlier today "where is my cat has she been in at all"
i imediatley started crying out for Sammi but it was to late she was
dead in the pool.
she loved drinking from there, and now it took her life.
She is gone forever she was the one person, that could understand me
and didn't argue back, she was there through everything she knew my deepest
secrets and now she is gone the one thing that would never change on me is gone just like that.
i want sooo bad to hold her, i want to tell her i love her and that i miss her very much
but she is gone. i never thought she would be gone and today is a day i will never forget, everytime i think i am going to be ok
i start to cry again. i miss her so much and its not even began, its only been a couple of hours. all she ever did was love
thats all she ever wanted in return
and i gave it to her, but now when i really want to she isn't here
anymore. my baby is gone. forever.

Just Yesterday

Sun, 16 Jul 2006 06:21:14 GMT

Blowing Up Walls

It seems like just yesterday
that we were friends together
It seems like just a day ago
where did you go

Please come back
To the place we miss you most
It seems so useless
to stay up till morning. till dawn
Its are time to grow out
Quit are job of mowing the lawn

Its a bitter sweet ending
to a catherdral year
Going down the road
Shedding all your tears
Welcome home.

were a slave to the things we miss
We are here, in are moment
Weve made it, And we know it.
The sounds that recognize the ending
I let them melodize the singing night.

This could be the very minute
where I find the path I chose.
I think clear'er
when I see the snow coming
Im lost for words
The future is full of truthfullness

With my hands in my pockets
I keep hoping
that life keeps beating the same tune
We all once were fed from a spoon
but well do all were capable of doing
On are own.

lifes too important
to stop and look at the clouds
When we were kids
Mounds of dirt were castles
When we were young
we knew nothing of lifes hassels

will you forget the world?
A halo made out of fire flys
Will let you fly on your own.
this dark quiet night
Will let us forget what next.
All I ever was
was a Champion in disguise

Safeway and Ferrit Boy!

Fri, 30 Jun 2006 06:19:22 GMT

hahahah so this week or two past weeks has been interesting.
i started summer school at newmarket, the vet class.
LOVE IT.
get to learn alot of new things, and my teacher is a blast.
She has yet to know my real name though... she just calls me safeway
along with the whole class... and there is this boy who loves
ferrits, so he is now ferrit boy to her
and i don't even know his name but he is always
excited to see me... and he has pretty blue eyes.
Along with the Summer School i am doing VBS this week as well
its a blast. i am partners in Crime with Tina, we have 5B its great
i had it last year only difference is there is 14 kids this year and 5 or 6 last year.
but we do have one interesting little boy...
he was eating grass and claimed he was in the "field eating wheat" and he also sings and dances to can't touch this by MC Hammer
all in his head though... everyonce in awhile Tina and i
would catch him...
So i have been busy doing that and hanging with who i can
i did go to Praire days had a blast wish that it didn't end
ran into someone and now and kinda falling for him...
not my fault though, totally his this time i swear.
we will just say major hitting on went on... lol
hmmm and now i am crispy critter i got burnt.
and i got to go to the Zoo today and see all the animals.
it was awesome!!!! i even saw cute little puffins and made a new
friend who is in my summer class
she is awesome, and on the bus ride home
we got the most funny story about my teacher meeting
her husband, and we all got invovled in a conversation about
chasity belts... and the spikes that went with it...
HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHAHA i think it was funny, but the guys
well their faces were priceless.

night night
<3 ashley

Edit, from last night

Mon, 19 Jun 2006 14:40:39 GMT

heaven forbid, you should end up alone

its breaking you down now

that now you understand that there is no
one around

take a seat as you understand the falling apart
you are tearing at the seams

hold on tight wait for tomorrow you will be alright.

how much longer

longer to wait

its like you wanted to go

and give yourself away

heaven forbid you end up alone

we have spoken everything
everything short of i love you.

this is gonna break me clean in two

this is gonna bring me "close" to you.

its all up in the air and we stand still

to see where it all comes down.

this is gonna take the heart right out of me,

sometimes the hardest thing and the

right thing are the same?

as he goes left and I stay right

I began to wonder why I came

where did i go wrong, i lost a friend,

somewhere along in the bitterness...

how this happened i can't recall

so this is where you are, and this is where i am

somewhere between unsure, and the bitter end

cuz we have spoken everything

everything short of i love you.

this just goes to show

you need me less then i need you

you are falling away

there is something i've said that can't be undone

there is something you've said that can't be undone.

we smile for a casual closure

it either never works or nearly hurts.

heaven forbid you end up alone

and don't know why

Heaven Forbid

Mon, 19 Jun 2006 07:06:29 GMT

you should end up alone
its breaking you down now
that now you understand that there is no
one around
take a seat as you understand the falling apart
you are tearing at the seams
hold on tight wait for tomorrow you will be alright.

how much longer
longer to wait
its like you wanted to go
and give yourself away

heaven forbid you end up alone
and don't know why...
don't know how to get you out of this one...

we've said everything lately
everything short of i love you.

((peaced it together))

i have been thinking lately.
everything is going so good right now...in the family...
but its only going to get screwed up, it always does...
other news... i am lonely and i want to be the one who gets
what she wants i want to be happy... i have been crying myself to sleep
everynight, and i am sick of it.
i want to be enough and i want to stop hurting.

This Summer!

Tue, 13 Jun 2006 04:59:07 GMT

it was looking bad and now it is looking good.
i am doing summer school at newmarket the vet tech class
and i do get to do VBS this summer as well with Kaylin
i am so excited!!!! i get to do that, but i do have be at school
on my b-day which kinda sucks being i never had to before
first time for everything.
mom might have a job
and sister graduated i am tired and want my phone back.
i am so bored now, and i want to be out of school!
which i am not going the last day so it doesn't matter
this week is my last! leave me some love
everyone!!!!

love me~

Its all coming to an end

Fri, 09 Jun 2006 03:33:05 GMT

Graduation is here on saturday...
and its not even mine its my sisters and my neighbors.
i am sad by this no longer will they be at school with me
and it will make me so sad.
mike is moving... i am really sad about that.
and my friends don't seem to be getting better... i do want to dissapear
and leave maybe make some new ones... someone that doesn't
know anyone. no fighting.
Justin is gone... i have a feeling he won't even bother to keep in touch
oh well guess i didn't mean that much to him.
Branden tried to get in touch with me
i don't want it.
i am done with him and have been.
it needs to stay that way... and it will
i miss Caleb, and his brother is creepy.
i need serious friend time
so does anyone want to give that to me?
i am lonely.

i know what will make me happy.

Sat, 03 Jun 2006 05:38:48 GMT

A Car
i am looking
if anyone needs to get me something
for my birthday money is the best gift ever.
i would appreciate the help
its needed.
money is want i want no digital camera until
after my car i need about 10,000 for it. so i am saving and anything i get.
is going to that. car time! me needs.

its a 2003 Kia Spectra, 4 dr automatic of course! and it is 8,997 dollar (but i need insurance) so thats why 10,000 lol my DREAMCAR ^.^

Suffice

Fri, 02 Jun 2006 04:33:31 GMT

Its funny that word has been said to me in mayn ways,
but everytimte i hear it everything is ok with everyone else.
and i don't know how to suffice. when everything around isn't much
and is only getting worse. but i find myself alone, and trapped.
i am scared like a little girl who lost her mommy.
i need to vent, i need to be calm and i need you all of you.
Suffice, funny defintion coming to someone elses needs...
thats good right thinking of others then your self... but when you realize
your life isn't ok, and when you do how do you deal with it do you run away change who you are? ignore things... or do you come to a spot that is ok, when you can't find that spot you get lost, and the pain is too much
to much for me to deal with. i need you all

I think you can do much better then me.

Fri, 26 May 2006 00:39:25 GMT

i think its over
even though it never began
it did in my mind but i was lieing to myself
to believe something thats not true.
you are gone.
its funny how love can make you think obsered things.
like to hate someone you don't even know only because
they are the one hold and kissing and loving
the one you love so much when you can't.
thats right i am envious and i will never get over you.
its the way it has to be right? i am the one suffering and in the end
will be the one in the pain and in the dark.
i miss you so much i miss everything about you
i feel like we can't talk anymore
i don't see you when we talk... i can't tell you so much that i need too
i love you
and thats what the bottom line is
but that can't be said
and its killing me.
for once i want to be the one you talk about
and are in love with but that will never
happen i am never that lucky.
i am just there, when i really am invisible to you thats all i am
invisible
i don't know what to say other then "can we talk"
but the words never come out
i want you so bad
to hold you kiss you and love you
without the heartache that is attatched already.
i need you. but i can't ever have what i need right...

i know everyone doesn't agree but i am careful

Sun, 21 May 2006 08:09:55 GMT

Might get a Boyfriend...
he needs to make up his mind
mine is made up
its up to him now
to see where it takes us
he asked me out though so its kinda odd...
well not really i didn't tell him yest till
like today
so understandable...
miss everyone need a VBS buddy
anyone free?
i need rides to E-life and back
but not forever i am in Drivers ed.
love you all good moring?

E-Life and cemitaries...

Thu, 18 May 2006 05:50:43 GMT

Went to E-life
it was awesome really sad though
corey is leaving his last day is the 21st.
of June...
i am going anyone else?
Talked to Rose tonight for like an hour...
she really does listen and help made me see that eventhough
people are changing doesn't mean i have to
that i have a really good grip on life with everything going on
and that i shouldn't think anything else.
i am trying that is all i can say
i am not perfect and i do need people
i can't do it all on my own
thats the thing about it i am not independent when it comes to my home life.
i need you all.

Sat, 13 May 2006 22:07:41 GMT

Er.
i have to go to work at 6
to 10 tonight grrr
won't be home tomorrow
spening the day with my maja.
for it is Mothers day.
i am hoping all of you do the same.
i cleaned my house today
by myself.
i need more photos for my project
so keep it up those who have photo buckets.
let me know what you are all doing around my b-day...
Brittni is planning something big with everyone.
so try not to be busy if you can.
Just to let you all know that my B-day is July 6th
in case anyone forgets...
but yeah i am bored leave me some love after you read this.
thanks.

bye bye

Its all settled after the storm

Sat, 13 May 2006 06:59:30 GMT

its scary to see the smoke clear and see who is staning
in the shadows of it after the storm was so huge.
but now its clear and the skies look bright.
soon everything will be alright.

after the strom clears after all.

<3 you all even Cassy

Love ashley

Satisfaction

Sat, 13 May 2006 03:36:52 GMT

Satisfaction,
only comes to those
that lie and fake
thruths they want to be true
I want to show you the real world
as to which you claim to know
but that would truely be to much
for you. you only know satisfaction
nothing wrong in your world
god-forbid he deals you a bad hand
i am not saying i want the worst for you
but just to break you enough to make you see
the others pain in this too
don't tell me you realize becuase if you did
i wouldn't be writting this
i know this may seem "selfish"
but things don't have to be the way they are.
To be honest the best friend i knew died, shes gone.
and i know i am not the only one who feels this.
I can't even say i recognize her when we speak
and yes people do change for the better and she isn't a bad person
but she isn't what she use to be and what she went against
she now loves.
its funny how people change that way
in a blink of an eye, the one time i need the one person
i thought closest to me, shes not there she hides from me.
its so hard to say good bye to 8 years of friendship.
but maybe thats just me.
i was delt this hand and i am the only one who seem to care
out of the two of us.

There are others that care too.

Thu, 04 May 2006 03:30:59 GMT

I never knew i never knew that everything was falling through...

Fri, 28 Apr 2006 03:42:40 GMT

I never knew
I never knew that everything
Was falling through
That everyone I knew
Was waiting on a queue
To turn and run
When all I needed was the truth

But that's how it's got to be
It's coming down to
Nothing more than apathy
I'd rather run the other way
Than stay and see
The smoke and who's still
Standing when it clears

Everyone knows I'm in
Over my head
Over my head
With eight seconds left in overtime
She's on your mind
She's on your mind

Let's rearrange
I wish you were a stranger
I could disengage
Say that we agree
And then never change
Soften a bit
Until we all just get along

But that's disregard
You find another friend
And you discard
As you lose the argument
In a cable car
Hanging above
As the canyon comes between

Everyone knows I'm in
Over my head
Over my head
With eight seconds left in overtime
She's on your mind
She's on your mind

Everyone knows I'm in
Over my head
Over my head
With eight seconds left in overtime
She's on your mind
She's on your mind

And suddenly
I become a part of your past
I'm becoming the part
That don't last
I'm losing you
And its effortless

Without a sound
We lose sight of the ground
In the throw around
Never thought that you wanted
To bring it down
I won't let it go down
'Till we torch it ourselves

Everyone knows I'm in
Over my head
Over my head
With eight seconds left in overtime
She's on your mind
She's on your mind

Everyone knows I'm in
Over my head
Over my head
With eight seconds left in overtime
She's on your mind
She's on your mind

~~~~~ I am going to Prom with Logan Kurley
don't know how yet but i know i am going.
Feel like being alone all of a sudden, everything i try always falls through.
i want to be done.
with everything and everyone.
i am done.~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~if we never change, then somethings just can't ever work
we say we are gonna work on it, but it never happens.
lets just face it, its over our heads
and out of our hands.~~~~~~

Butterflies are free to fly, why do they fly away?

Sun, 23 Apr 2006 06:12:15 GMT

so i was thinking.
Friendships take work more then 3 people need to make an effort.
i am always here, and alone which is pathetic i can't help it though.
anyways. saw one of the two people i could
go my whole life without seeing ever again tonight.
doug. was at safeway. came through my line. ew.
but i got over it.
Tre-var is suppose to call tomorrow
kinda excited ^.^ for some reason i have bad tummy aches.
they hurts i went to ashley's house on friday,
had loads of fun... had a pinic and got scratched by bunnies...
mmm BUN Buns.
i love.
Wasn't having a good day on friday,
my pay check was 8 dollar how the hell am i suppose to pay for anything
with 8 dollars, i am now on the look out for new jobs.
so let me know when something opens up.
I really want a new someone.
anyone but me.
new life, i have changed all i can stand.
everything around me has too. its never going to be the same and i
want it back but when i am not here or a new me it won't matter anyways.
I can't go to e-life this week, i am gonna try even though nobody really cares
I love Pam
and Chris
and Ashley
and Josh.
yup yup
loves. for all of them.
i am going to go now.